MY LIFE
My name is Ryan Manson. My life has had ups and downs. I was born on the 1st of January 2004, I grew up in Bermondsey. After a few years I moved to the Borough I currently live there and will live there for next few years.
Where I Come From
I was born in St Thomas hospital on the 1st of January 2004 and lived in Bermondsey for a few years. I then moved to the Borough. I am very lucky because I live right near a famous building, the Shard. Where I live is a nice area, sometimes bad things happen. Around my area ,lately, there has been a murder; it was not nice. Many people was gossiping about it. Thankfully the people got caught and everyone was happy and calm.
School
When I was three I started primary school, I went to Snowsfield and I spent most of my primary school life there. I made many friends and many enemies, I stayed until year 5, so I had been at Snowsfield for 7 years. I left because I was always getting into fights and being bullied. When I left I went to St Josephs primary school for two years. It was really fun at the the end of year 6 I went to France and Belguim with my school it was really fun.
Once the holiday was over primary school was over as well, I had broke up for the six weeks holidays which meant after that is secondary school: I was going to the London Nautical School. 6 weeks had flew and it was time for secondary school. On my first day of school I was REALLY scared there were way bigger kids than me. However, I knew many people so I was lucky. Unfortunately others didn’t.
What I’m Like And What I Like
I am a friendly person who likes to have fun, I am competitive when it is sports. I am a big fan of football and rap. When I grow up I would like to be a famous rapper or footballer. I really love playing on my phone or PS4, my favourite games are Top Eleven (on my phone) and FIFA 16 (on my PS4). I have a good personality and background, if someone is upset I would try to cheer them up. I also try my best in everything no matter how challenging it is.
My Family
My family are all British. Firstly , I will tell you where my mums side is from. My mums side originated England. My dads side originated from England, Scotland and Ireland. This makes me fully British. However, I don’t have any Welsh in me.
This is my autobiography about me and my life.
By Ryan Manson
October 30, 2015 at 4:11 pm
Ryan, your autobiography is exceptionally clear and you use paragraphs and headings to separate ideas effectively. I’m glad to hear that you have settled into the school well and that you are enjoying your time here. I think the thing that I value most about you being in my class are those times that you encourage others. I would like to see more of this so that you can help them with their learning too.
Targets:
1) Some of your verbs are in the wrong form. You sometimes mix up ‘was’ and ‘were’.
2) Some of your sentences require full stops to separate the clauses you have created. For example, your first sentence:
‘My name is Ryan Manson my life has had ups and downs.’
Should read:
‘My name is Ryan Manson. My life has had ups and downs.’
OR:
‘My name is Ryan Manson and my life has had its ups and downs.’
3) Your final paragraph needs re-writing. It is grammatically insecure.
4) Be sure that you are always writing in the past tense.